Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this beer tastes like vomit already
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
