I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
