I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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