I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
