If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
