Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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