So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
