I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
