There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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