chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i came on her dog
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
