i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
