I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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