I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
