There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize