they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
