Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize