I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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