I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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