i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
