so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
