She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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