I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
