I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
