turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
