Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
