It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
