The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
