it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
