I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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