My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
