hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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