we have officially lost it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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