She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize