Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
