we're chasing vodka with high fives
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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