There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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