Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
only if we run a train.
done.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
