i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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