Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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