i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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