This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
