I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
