I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
look no pants
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
