When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
