This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
