I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
