come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
