omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
