I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
