those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
