Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
