I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
