I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Randomize
