Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
