there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My vagina is officially offended.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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