My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
is wine microwaveable?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
