if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
