the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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