i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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