Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
