Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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