i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize