I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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