whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
