The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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