I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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