Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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