perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
