i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
is wine microwaveable?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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