You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
