I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
