he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
