Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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