Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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