dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't think brook has ever known best
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
