Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
