i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize