she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
