quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
