Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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