I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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