It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
