There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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