I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
